FEAR VS RESPECT

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Group of Diverse People's Hands Holding Word Respect

A Long time ago in a faraway kingdom, these were times of uncertainty and all citizens were worried because there seemed to be no other fit replacement to the old dying king.

After long and vicious battle a very cruel nobleman made his way to take over the palace and become the king.

When the old beloved king died, people from all over the kingdom gathered into the square to say goodbye, they cried for days and days. The new king saw that the people were full of love, he was very happy to see that the people love him so much and he felt he is the most popular king in the world.

 

After few days the new king died, but no one came for his funerals.

 

Moral: Respect is something you have to earn; you cannot force it on others to respect you. There is a thin line between Fear and Respect, every one of us should understand it and do necessary corrections in our personalities.

WAIT! WAIT! WAIT!

Is this how you want  your life to end?

Some people say that the new king didn’t die but got very sick and when he recovered he dedicated his life in the service of others.

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By the author

Many believe, especially young, that living the moment is the true meaning of life. Moreover, those seem to misinterpret the saying of ‘live the moment’ and unfortunately, many are the young nowadays who think that living the moment means: be wild, savage, rebel, without any principles and standards so the more deserted, impudent and cynical you are, the younger you are.

So here it is, let me tell you a secret and the true meaning of living the moment as it is excitement, joyfulness, spontaneous, passion, simplicity and curiosity.

 

“Jealousy, lust and honor taking a person out of this world,” Pirkei Avot 4, 28

“Put aside your wishes on account of His wishes, so that He will put aside the wishes of others in favor of your wishes,” Pirkei Avot 3,10

Respect must be earned with dignity and in order to get respect from the other, it must be given, such as a hand shake between two persons, each reaches his hand, and in that symbolic way, the two tie a bond of peace, appreciation and respect toward one another.

respect-give-it-to-get-it

 

Say:

I live the moment with respect! Respect toward myself, toward others, toward failures, toward difficulties, toward challenges and toward accomplishments.

 

Live the moment- with respect!

 

A key question – how so to act and at the same time maintain respect?

Respecting a certain person meaning first of all meeting him where he is, in order to take him where you wish him to get. If someone is hurt, than you must start in the pain, if someone is in trouble, than you must start with the trouble. It is not so difficult to identify with the other if he or she resembles you but the real difficulty is when meeting people whom are different then you. Can you truly make it and place yourselves in their shoes in order to understand them?

In general, you must learn to express yourselves and not try to impress. It is most important, if you really wish to touch the other you must show honesty from the heart, without trying to impress. Impression builds a gap, honesty builds a bridge.

Let your memories to take you back in time and influence on you one more time, to light your eyes another time, it is not necessarily easy but you must get back to the pain in order to reach the one that is in the pain.

The real difficulty is in identifying with someone that is totally different than you, as in color, religion or circumstances. How is it that a successful man reaches someone that is in difficulty and touches him? At first, there is to talk of the straggle and not of the success; talk of the hesitations, the pain, and the difficulties and waiving, as this is the way to build a bridge.

Only then you can mention success, as it came from difficult decisions, heart break, and maybe from the same place with the same person you are talking to.

The right choice of words; you must be aware of the importance of choosing the language, the right words, the right sentences, according to the person you are talking to. This is awareness, sharpened perception, awareness to the identity of the conversation partner and choosing the right words for him.

You must learn not to lose the lessons you have learnt from past mistakes; to make better benefit from your experience, as hard as it may be, find the good in it and see it as a better spring board to a more mature future.

 

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How to criticize?

Seek first to understand, then to be understood. This principle is the key to effective interpersonal communication. An old phrase tells: “The pot calling the kettle black”. Sometimes we have the need to criticize others, but if you do it than do it only out of a feeling and will to give and help the other to build himself assuming that this person you criticize could and wishes to improve.  In general, I wouldn’t criticize someone but only if he is close to my heart and when there is a real need, when I know that this person appreciates me and regard my words in that manner that he would respect what I have to say and regard appropriately. Moreover, if to criticize then never the person himself but his behavior or deeds, and this as well only by constructive criticism, with the goal to strengthen and cheer the criticized person, whereas the criticism must be focused and point at his weaknesses and help him fix them while keeping of respect toward him, his honor and self-confidence.

 

How to receive a criticism?

In case of criticism, it is easier to give then receive. Criticizing in a manner that would not hurt is difficult; receiving criticism without getting hurt is even more difficult. We all protect ourselves and we all seek for excuses and protection in the very first seconds when we hear negative criticism about ourselves. The most important thing when receiving criticism is to think, don’t answer right away to that person who criticized you, but listen all the way, stop your remarks in your mind and wait. After the ‘criticizer’ finished what he had to say still don’t answer but think well of all he said. If you truly wish you can answer but my recommendation is go and sleep it over for a night, as after sleeping it over with the topic in your mind you can start seeing it more clearly. You can regard this as a time-out for thinking it all over.

After you received criticism, sit down with yourselves and think of if the criticism was right. Are there specific parts of it that are not right?  Are there specific parts of it that are right? in your opinion what is it that you can do to improve? After thinking with yourselves, I recommend you to think together with a close friend, present in front of him your solutions and listen to his advices.

It is most important to cheer the other person, it is well permitted and desired to praise a person for a good job he is doing. Those kind of positive feedbacks contribute to the self-confidence and strengthen this person and his appreciation toward you. If you are pouring on compliments for a good behaver, you will be listened even later when you will be giving your criticism. In fact, when you are sitting with a person and you criticize him for the way he behaves, it is better to start with the good things he does, meaning give him positive reinforcement and only then to land on him the more negative criticism that includes that specific mistake he was doing.

 

As we join together, forming networks of human concern about the future, we will find the strength and wisdom needed to create a better future for all.

Raising humanity on a new path

It all starts with YOU!

With playful regards,

Galorian

 

Read more about ‘Respect’: http://asiatrend.org/community/flowers-dead-ones/

 

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